Questions You May Be Too Afraid to Ask Trans Folks

We’re closing out our Trans Awareness Week posts with a few questions you may be too afraid to ask the trans folks you care about.

Question: What pronouns and name should I use when I’m talking about a time in someone’s life before they came out as trans?

Answer: Not every trans or gender-diverse person changes their name and pronouns or has negative feelings around their old name or pronouns. However, it’s best to use the name and pronouns they currently use, even if you’re talking about a time in their life before they came out. While every trans and gender-diverse person has their own gender journey, try to remember that they have always been who they are, regardless of whether or not they had the words to describe how they felt.


Question: How should I respond if someone asks me if a person is trans and I know that they are?

Answer: Not everyone can safely be out or wants to be out as trans or gender-diverse. If you know someone is trans, that is not your information to share, unless they’ve said it’s okay.


Question: How does coming out as trans impact a person’s sexual orientation?

Answer: Sexual orientation and gender are completely separate things. However, a person’s sexual orientation may evolve as they figure out their gender and/or they may adjust the words to describe their sexual orientation, even if who they’re attracted to hasn’t changed.


Remember: Don’t let the fear of uncomfortable or awkward conversations get in the way of loving the trans and gender-diverse folks in your life. It’s okay to ask how you can best support them and what topics are off-limits.